So it's a new Year 2010, I think that is exciting but some say it will not be an exciting year but rather just a hard year. I guess it is all in how you choose to look it. I know that tomorrow is my future and I believe I have a great future ahead of me some days harder than others and some easier than others.
Last week end for example was a wonderful weekend filled with family all around. We were celebrating my oldest son going into the Marines. The entire weekend was a blast I felt so blessed to have all my family together having a great time eating, playing games and realizing how much we all mean to each other. However once it was time for him to head out to San Diego for Boot Camp another reality hit me and it hit me hard, my son was leaving the nest as hard as that hit me I must admit it hit me so much harder when I had to tell me son goodbye knowing that over the next 5 or more years I will be lucky to see him and I will be praying daily that he is safe. As a mom how can I not feel my son is going to be put in harms way, and how can I not worry and be concerned about that. I am so proud of his choices but also scared of his choices.
Ok yes I did cry and was very emotional for days after we had to say goodbye. I couldn't help but ask myself what did I do wrong that he didn't want to go to college (he is very smart) instead he had his mind set on being a Marine. Then someone very wise made me realize I did teach him very well so well he knew what he wanted and he didn't let anything stop him including a very emotional good bye. So some days of my future are going to be great, some good and some very hard but all are worth experiencing.
Something that really helped was going out shopping with the intent to treat myself to something simple but would help me feel better. I ended up buying myself a very nice notebook/organizer. I know you are thinking how is that a treat for myself? Well it is simply really while I was walking and shopping I thought to myself it sure would be helpful to write all these feelings down and perhaps send to my son as letters. Well turns out after reading what I wrote there was no way I could send those thoughts to my son because it would have made it almost impossible for him to stay in boot camp and not come running home, I had a whole list of reasons why he shouldn't be a Marine and why he should just drop out and come home go to college. After reading it I realized how selfish I was being I couldn't handle the thought of him getting hurt or worst as a Marine so I wanted him to give it up. How could I do that to him? After reading over and over again what I wrote I began to feel so proud of my son and for him being so strong and willing to do what he must for his future. Yes I would still love for him to go to college but I am more proud of him for doing what he feels is best for his future and not just his mom's peace of mind. I know it was extremely hard for him to leave his family but I also now understand that as hard as it is for us with him being gone and possibly in the future he could be in harms way it has to be so much harder for him. Moral of this long story is when I took the time to treat myself to something simple it made a world of difference in making me feel so much better.
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